I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
