Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
