How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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