your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
