One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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