This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
