Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This is the high leading the old right now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
