Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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