Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
