you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
