I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
