I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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