hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
