i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
