i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
