i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
