Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
