so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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