I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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