Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
