Will you blow on my dice?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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