allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
