your room smells of hookers.
And success
I will die if light touches me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
