I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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