do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
