bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize