3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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