ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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