i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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