I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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