He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
