I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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