Having a random hookup so left but love u
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
