bring money and cleavage
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
