Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize