Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
