So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My vagina is officially offended.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
