just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
