Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
