if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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