I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
