hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
