remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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