apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
