I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
