Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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