jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
