youre lurking in front of me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
