The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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