Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
