saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
two words: eviction party
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize