he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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