In the future we'll all be gay
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
