Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this just has baby written all over it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
