I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
