Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So many bounce houses so little time
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
