I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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