I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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