he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
