haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
