Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Randomize