yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
