there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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