Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
