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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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