i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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