I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
