No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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