Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
