who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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