At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
they're like a gay fantastic four
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
