it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize