You're so nebulous sometimes
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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