U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
