I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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