Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
