i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize